Releasing the Pressure Valve

Our son (3.5) loves to play the bedtime game, you know the one where the kid comes up with all these wonderful reasons why he should keep getting out of bed. It can be so exhausting sometimes to deal with and so hard for us to hear him still up an hour after we've said our last goodnight. We want him to get a good night's sleep, not spend half the night fighting sleep.

About a month ago we tried out a technique from the Simplicity Parenting book called "releasing the pressure valve." The author talked about how kids have all this built up emotional energy and that they need outlets throughout the day to let it out. They need space to connect and share, to feel loved and cared for. This made sense to me because sometimes at night I go to bed dog tired but then find that I can't fall asleep until I share my thoughts and emotions from the day with my hubby.

So we started a little impromptu sharing game during our family dinner. We ask 3-4 questions and each person gets a turn to answer. "What was your favorite thing today? "What was your hardest thing about today?" "Did something frustrate you today?" "What are you excited about tomorrow?" Everyone is included and my son makes sure that even our 20 month old's day is interpreted since she can't yet speak up for herself.

If we don't share at dinner time then I make a point to ask these questions at bedtime. I honestly didn't know if we'd see the results that the author suggested, but I have been pleasantly surprised. Our son loves this game, so much that he even asked us these questions one night when we were eating dinner at another family's house. (The family doesn't speak English so he couldn't really play the game with them).

We found that after we created a purposeful space for sharing and connecting about our day, the post-bedtime craziness has become almost non-existent. There's no more hour long procrastination after we've tucked him in. Now he falls asleep much easier and it has made us much happier parents. I also enjoy the space we are creating to connect emotionally as a family, to stop for a minute to be introspective together, and to know the good and the bad from each other's day so that we know better how to care for and pray for one another.

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ...But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.". Gal 6:12, 24b-26

Simplicity Parenting

I just finished reading through a book called Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, More Secure Kids. I read through it slowly and enjoyed all the practical tips and ideas included. There is plenty of theory too, if you like that sort of thing. I loved the thesis of the book! Simplicity is better. Kids thrive on it. They need space to learn and grow, they need loving rhythm and predictability, and they surely don't need lots of "stuff" to keep them happy.
Corey and I have already incorporated some of the ideas from the book into daily life and I have definitely seen some positive, fun changes happening. I am noticing that one of the biggest shifts we are experiencing is coming from me, and it is a shift from a more activity-based parenting style to a more relaxed, experiential style of daily life.

Changing things up a bit

A few months ago, our language schedule changed and I started having one morning free again to stay home with the kids. I decided that on that morning every week I would focus all of my attention on Liam and Norah, and I wasn't even going to think about that day's language hours until the kids went down for a nap. I started getting hooked on these mom blogs, finding all sorts of fun preschool activities to do with Liam and Norah. There were art projects and learning games, songs and ideas for pretend play. So, I did a little planning before those particular mornings and we had lots of fun. The problem was though, that after about two weeks of this, Corey helped me to realize that I had inadvertently created a monster! Our son was beginning to constantly demand these activities and he seemed to forget how to sit and play by himself. He seemed extra fussy and whiny too. Corey explained that while I meant well, what I was doing wasn't really working so well and Liam seemed only satisfied when he was doing an "activity." It was also frustrating to me personally because I would work hard to create some fun activity (like set-up a little post office play area) and then he wouldn't even play with it for that long before he was ready for the next "thing."
About this time I read this book and it got me to thinking about some things I could do differently. I wasn't leaving enough open space for create play, for Liam and Norah to have to figure out and sort out things on their own. All the activities I was planning just led for the desire for more and more and more. (You should read the book because the author explains all this much better than me). Since then we started incorporating a few changes here and there, trying to create a little more open space, more rhythm and predictability in daily life, and more downtime to connect as a family. It feels really good.

A few things we are working on:

• Simplifying and de-cluttering toys
• Creating a calm, peaceful dinner time
• Teaching the kids to be a part of daily chores
• Reducing TV time
• Letting the kids help more with meal prep

I am planning to incorporate many more over the coming weeks and months and I was thinking it would be fun to document them here. So, stay tuned for more.